Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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