my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
