Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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