It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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