It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
