I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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