My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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