That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
