LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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