Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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