I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
