Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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