Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
