Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
