I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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