Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
