It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
