i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
