dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize