hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
