Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
