Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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