This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
