3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Porn is love you can see.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
