I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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