Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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