I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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