He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
