Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
