New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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