I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who died my cat blue again?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
