Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Drake has all the answers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
