OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
