Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
