The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
