I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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