I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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