I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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