i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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