Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
