You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
