Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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