Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
