Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
