No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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