____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize