i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
