yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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