haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
