It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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