I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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