as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
4 words: hood of his car
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just had sex on a roof
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
