Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
