Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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