I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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