the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
