Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize