dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This baby is an asshole
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
