Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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