ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
