maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
