Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
