I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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