i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
