Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
