I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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